I asked a friend a few days ago whether he received any sales advertisements recently, or something similarly copy-esque, by email. He sent me this in response. Below is the copy to one of Russel Brunson’s post-order autoresponders for DotComSecrets, followed by a critical analysis and rewriting.
Employing an army of stylistically contrasting fonts and text sizes, a contextually irrelevant picture, awkward hyperlinks, and inconsistent line spacing, this copy is just unpleasant to look at.
I don’t see myself buying anything from someone whose apparent goal is to exacerbate my already impaired vision.
Further, if the book itself is “all you need,” as the picture explicitly suggests, then what reason do I have for watching the video? This is careless picture choice. And, what is the purpose of this link redundancy?
The writer’s negligence extends to content as well however. A well written copy has no need for four sets of parentheses, or hedges like “or maybe it’s just me…”
His appeal to the feeling of “bittersweet torture” that accompanies the anticipation of online orders is irrelevant to the purpose of the copy. If the goal is to convince the reader that supplementing the book with the video would be a valuable investment of time, then the appeal to emotion is superfluous.
Inside this presentation, I’ll reveal the 3 critical secrets to competing (and WINNING!) against every competitor in your industry.
Phrases like “competing against every competitor” cause readers to lose faith not only in your writing, but in other skills necessary to maintaining a respect-worthy disposition as well (i.e. attentiveness, meticulousness, abstraction).
In my revisions, I try to deal with these issues described above.
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