Freelance Availability, Family Commitment. Specialized in all things outdoors.

This is the website of a cabin rental agency near one of my favorite hikes. I decided to write a spec ad for their “Our Rates” tab.

Before:

Several things jumped out at me from this copy:

1. No application of marketing psychology.
2. Unnecessary emboldening of text.
3. “Rental rates effective…” outdated and superfluous.
4. Lacks flow.
5. Fails to grab attention.

Elaborating, the copy lacks general readability and persuasiveness. A potential customer isn’t typically interested in browsing an entire site before making a decision; the majority of visitors will read maybe a paragraph of the home page, glance at a few pictures, and immediately make his or her way to the pricing section.

My revision of this copy, found below, aims to create a personal interaction between agency and customer, inspires intrigue, and gives our visitor a reason to continue browsing.

After:

Your Blood Mountain Retreat

Rates

Breathtaking views. Roaring waterfalls. Pristine, glass-like Lakes. Rich history. Cool summer temperatures. White, powdery winters. Luxuriously simple, rustic cabins. Comfortable. Affordable. Alive.

Experience all of this, along with unlimited access to local hiking, camping, fishing and hunting, when you stay with us.

Discover the serenity of North Georgia.

Complementary Luxuries:

• Free Wi-Fi in Store.
• Central heat and air.
• Wood-burning fireplace.
• Full kitchen and bath.
• Satellite TV.
• All linens, toiletries and paper products provided.

All cabins guaranteed to comfortably accommodate four, potentially six guests. Enjoy a well-deserved, much needed, romantic get away, a family retreat, or split the cost and enjoy a vacation with five of your closest friends.

Act fast and reserve today! Blood Mountain Cabins are in high demand and rates can go up. Two night minimum, or three during the month of October and during all major holidays – exceptions can be made if vacancies are available.

Call us now at ***-***-9454.

Our affordable rates:

Check in: Any time after 2:00pm.

Check out: Before 11:00am.

Tax included in list price. Be sure to check the specials available to you on week days, and follow us on Facebook for last-minute, exclusive updates on pricing.

All cards accepted when you reserve or check in.

Rates for private vacation homes can be found here.

Deposit required for large groups.

See you at check-in!

If the above copy interests you, head over to the services tab, here.